When is a good time to start couples therapy?

We can begin to answer that question with who can benefit from couples therapy. Any couple, whether they have been together for a short or long time, with any combination of gender and sexuality, together exclusively or not, can benefit from couples therapy. The only requirement is a willingness to give the therapy a try.

Couples tend to enter therapy when something is going on that no longer feels good for one or more partners. This could be an external event, such as one member of the couple wants to make a decision about taking a new job, and that will interfere with the time that a couple is currently spending together. Infidelity can be a precipitating event. It could be that a couple feels they are fighting too frequently with too much intensity, and they do not know how to fight less and more productively. Couples may often disagree on expected relationship timelines. One member of the couple might be looking to advance the relationship to exclusivity, living together, getting engaged, or making a more permanent commitment to the relationship, and the other partner says they are not ready. One person might be ready to have a child while the other one is not. Essentially, couples enter treatment because they have differences. These differences start to feel too far apart and interfere with the couple feeling connected.

Sometime couples enter therapy over general disagreements, and a feeling that something either does not feel right, or that they feel dissatisfied more than satisfied with the relationship. These are all questions worth exploring in couple therapy.

It is sometimes said that couples enter therapy either too late or wait too long to address difficult problems in the relationship. It is best to enter couples therapy before resentments can calcify – where resentments can become so deep that they will take a significant amount of effort to soften and eventually heal.

Whatever is on your mind, though, is worth looking at. Couples therapy can begin with an assessment period of a handful of sessions, where the therapist can evaluate the co-created dynamic between the couple, and begin to understand the underlying issues in the relationship. Treatment can be long and difficult, but any effort you put in is time and money well spent. If you and your partner do not end up staying together, you will still have gained a better understanding of yourself and the relationship – and potentially make different choices in the future.